It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
