it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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