I'm jealous of your bromance
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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