told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
