Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
