The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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