Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
