Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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