He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
