listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
