make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
