My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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