You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
