Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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