MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
