I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
