either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
