I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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