She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
