woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You're like the curious george of whores
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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