'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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