She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
