I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
