the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
