How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
