At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
