Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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