I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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