Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As shirtless as possible
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
