Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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