Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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