Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
