Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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