FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
