How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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