I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
