When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
