I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
