Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A bitchslap is in order.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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