i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
