Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
