I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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