There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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