thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
