Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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