I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
