she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
