I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
