Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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