Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
