Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
