Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
